Enabling v’s Supporting
Walking Beside, Not Carrying
Finding the balance in Addiction Recovery
When someone you love is in addiction recovery, it’s natural to want to help then in every way you can. But sometimes, well-intentioned actions can unintentionally make it harder for your loved one to recover. The difference often comes down to whether your behaviour is enabling or supportive.
Understanding this difference can empower you to be a steady, positive force in your loved one’s journey.
What is Enabling?
Enabling happens when behaviours, usually driven by compassion and concern, protect the person from experiencing the natural consequences of their addiction or recovery lapses. While the intention is good and comes from a place of love, the effect is often that it removes responsibility and accountability from the person in recovery.
Examples of enabling behaviours:
Providing money that may be used for substances.
Covering up or making excuses for missed commitments.
Doing tasks for them that they are capable of doing themselves.
Ignoring unhealthy patterns to “keep the peace.”
Putting your own needs aside entirely to focus on their struggles.
Enabling can create a cycle where recovery stalls, because the person does not experience the challenges that motivate change.
What is Supportive Behaviour?
In contrast, supportive behaviour means walking alongside your loved one in a way that encourages independence, accountability, and growth. It is about showing empathy while maintaining healthy boundaries.
Examples of supportive behaviours:
Encouraging and celebrating progress, no matter how small.
Setting clear and respectful boundaries (e.g., “I can’t lend you money, but I can help you look for work”).
Encourage accountability for actions
Listening without judgment while not trying to “fix” everything.
Encouraging professional help and attending family support groups yourself.
Taking care of your own wellbeing so you can show up from a place of strength.
Support means believing in your loved one’s ability to face challenges and recover, rather than shielding them from reality.
Why the Distinction Matters -
Families and friends often walk a fine line between care and over-care. When you enable, you may unintentionally keep your loved one from learning resilience. When you support, you offer hope, structure, and trust that they can move forward.
Recovery is not about doing it for someone—it’s about standing beside them as they do the work themselves.
Tips for Moving from Enabling to Supportive
Pause before acting – Ask yourself: “Am I helping them grow, or am I taking away their responsibility?”
Set healthy boundaries – Communicate clearly about what you can and cannot do.
Focus on encouragement – Highlight progress rather than perfection.
Seek support for yourself – Join a family or carers’ support group; caring for yourself helps you avoid burnout.
Trust the process – Recovery is rarely linear; your role is to provide consistency, not to control the outcome.
If you are walking alongside someone in recovery, your role is both challenging and incredibly important. Choosing supportive behaviours over enabling ones allows you to be a stable, empowering presence in your loved one’s journey. Remember, recovery is a team effort—but the person in recovery is the captain of their own ship.
